Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize