Got a toothbrush?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
