all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
