So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Those nachos came to me in a dream
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
