oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
