it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
please come you make the beer taste better
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
