NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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