Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
