batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
