There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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