ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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