I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
