Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
