So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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