all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
