$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
