i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
