Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
