sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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