at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
