I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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