he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
