I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
