Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
