Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My dick has a subreddit
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
