my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
A bitchslap is in order.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
