What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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