That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
