I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
