I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
