I have demons in me.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
