everyone is single if you try hard enough
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
