So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
