I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
