I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
