let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
