Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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