The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
