Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
