first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
