there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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