TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
