I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
