whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
and she was petting her beer can
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
