u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I want to have your abortion
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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