Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
