Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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