So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
