I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
