Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
