I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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