As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
