Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
