he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
